work is interesting enough and it's a good distraction. i suppose the opportunity to learn is the thing i enjoy the most. i directed my first shoot last week. just an interview for a corp training vid but it was fun all the same. nothing like the discipline of amit's shoots. my biggest contribution was coaching and looking for minor detail issues. the crew had no concept of this and had i not been there the "talent" would have looked and sounded as bored as they probably were. what can you do? i was capturing (transferring footage from tape to computer) one of gitesh's samsung shoots. they were doing close-ups of product-in-hand and the "actors" had a lot of grime under the fingernails which contrasted heavily with the brand-new sleek, shiny phones. clean hands were clearly not a priority. i wonder how this stuff can be overlooked but i guess it's all the same and most people won't notice.
gitesh is an amazing editor and visual story-teller but he makes priorities for some things and no priorities for others. i noticed this from the beginning. another instance is improper use of the english language. he butchers it in his scripts with lines like "we are above the epitome of greatness" which i guess sounds good to him but makes me shake my head. he's been letting me do more writing and it has been for the best. however, a lot of my ideas are over the heads of the general public. i wrote one that made reference to einstein's theory of relativity and although i crafted an explanation and the client applauded the concept, he told me that most people wouldn't understand who einstein was. it bugs me to have a broader (or at least more international) concept of things that work well and an audience that doesn't understands them. gitesh is very much an indian and he has no desire to broaden his world-view other than through movies, which is a horrible medium to be solely relied upon for multi-cultural awareness. the effect of american cinema on his creativity seems limited. i imagine that he spends his time analyzing the technical qualities of a film as amit does. anyhow, i have a hard time finding an appreciative audience and i feel like maybe i'm cassandra's secret brother or something.
i enjoy writing whenever i can. i was only going to contribute a few sentences and look what happened. consider this a much needed outlet for creative expression. this week i've written a poem, a song for a friend - lyrics and all, and a gangsta rap about the struggle for sanity. it is an appropriate and satisfying form for that subject. i actually wrote another song in español but i woke up the next morning to find the song gone from memory and a half of the scotch gone from the bottle. let that be a lesson to me. my two big literary inspirations are the book of job and u2. i've enjoyed the way the agony flows from the pages and it's a reminder to keep things in perspective. i imagine lyricism brought job comfort and sanity as well. as for bono, a lot of his songs have become eerily relevant and what i originally dismissed as existential for the sake of existentialism became a lightbulb glowing inconspicuously over a bed, upon which lies human nature. i have to cite anna for the "human nature" concept. "who's gonna ride your wild horses," a song that i dismissed for the last 13 years because i didn't really appreciate the melody or lyrics, has become singularly enlightening:
you're dangerous cause you're honest
you're dangerous. you don't know what you want...
it's like that verse in the Bible you read a thousand times in your life and never notice until an experience brings it to life, not in the sense that it has become true but in the sense that it was true all along and the lightbulb finally clicks on...and you are no longer lost. the fact that this has happened so much since i got back from the US must mean that i am very lost.
well someday i will trade my deepest, darkest thoughts to you all for one-too-many glasses of wine but for now this is all i can say. i'm sure anna is more inclined to tell you about what this place does to people since she doesn't have to deal with it but i think i've said all i want to say. sorry this is so long. i forgot about the blog but now i have found a useful outlet for expressing my thoughts and feelings to the people i trust and love the most. i feel muuuch better. if you are afraid i will turn to alcohol rest assured that i don't have that luxury because i work too much, nor do i have any desire to, nor do they make a drink strong enough for this place. i've been spared from many vices in life because they are just too inconvenient or too expensive or because i have too much pride (which is a vice, i know). substantive contributions to the lives of those i hold dear is all i really need...and a Bible and a guitar...and prayer, lots of prayer. God is good and has been sending supportive people my way, but i could count the number of people i call real friends on one hand. i know that things will be much clearer in the not-to-distant future. i'm starving so i'm gonna blow. i'll read the blog when i get a chance. i don't know how much i'll be able to contribute since work is the only place i have internet access and i don't like spending more time staring at walls and computers than i have to. but i'll do my best. love you guys.
1 comment:
Heyyy... this sounds familiar. You haven't by any chance been living in Delhi for a year have you?? I recently described Delhi to a friend as being "just like hell except you don't have to die to go there."
All in favor of Sam flying down to Bombay pronto, say "aye."
About Einstein, Sam, remember that commercial here with all the little kids dressed in big gray fros and mustaches at school? I mean, I knew who Einstein was, and it STILL took me a good 2 or 3 views to get what was going on. The execution of the concept was bizarre. You never know how it'll be butchered.
Sadly I've noticed in India, especially the north, there's kind of a reverse cultural snobbery among some people, a stubborn ignorance of anything outside the boundaries of Hindustan. It's as frustrating as a closed-off American mentality, but with direct negative effect on us as foreigners. (Imagine how dangerous it is for foreigners coming across the American version.) It's bad enough that I've sent out Damon's & my script with Amit's name at the top (even though he wasn't a writer on it) and a nom de plume, Asha Gupta, for me. You never know where you're going to come across these types, but it's disheartening to find so many of them in places of leadership or executive decision-making roles. I get the feeling they consider "education" to be one of those "imported Western concepts." And don't you dare get all fancy-pants on them, carrying around an unfolded resume. Pronounced, "re-ZOOM." Every picture of even the wealthiest politicians features them in village clothes, speaking Hindi like a villager, eating off a leaf, cleaning their teeth with a twig from a neem tree, etc. All you'd probably have to do to create a scandal is break into their house and take a picture of them having dinner at a TABLE, and using *gasp* forks and knives! Coming in contact with that kind of mentality just makes me value civilization, education, and The Age of Enlightenment even more.
Counting real friends on one hand, I've actually said that myself. One hand, with digits to spare! So much of what you're saying sounds so familiar. It hurts to watch you have to go that road that I did, but at least I know that a) it wasn't just me and it's not just you, and b) you do heal from it, over time. (But you do need to get out of there.) Well, Skype me when you get a break. LOVE YOU!!
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